Sunday 3 February 2013


I post this to point out that forgiveness isn't something available on demand, and also the dangers of letting the perpetrator define what forgiveness does and does not mean.

It can take the victim longer to work out forgiveness than it took the culprit to commit the offences and finally achieve a change of heart. This is something a repentant perpetrator may or may not be able to comprehend.

For example I might finally forgive my accountant for ripping me off and dashing my dreams and losing my house, but I wouldn't give him the chance to do it again, and I don't expect to be able stop suffering the injury and seeking revenge and punishment at his demand and admission. It would take time and effort and more time and more effort.

In other words I can eventually stop suffering from the injury, and I can eventually stop seeking revenge and punishment. But I don't have to give him access to my bank account in order to prove to him that I have reached or am trying to reach that state.

If someone thinks I haven't forgiven them, then that is their problem whether or not they are right. They just might have to forgive me.

Only the innocent victim knows what forgiveness entails, and only the repentant perpetrator wants it badly enough to wait for it.

And, for accuracy, there is one truly innocent victim who provides the means of healing and forgiveness for the injured and the guilty; when they want it badly enough to receive it.

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