I wrote this in early 2008 for the Agbrigg & Belle Vue Community News
The smelly dog-pooh man© 2008 Sam Liddicott
I'm the smelly dog-pooh man,
I walk around the town,
and leave my smelly dog pooh
where my doggie puts it down.
Not in gutters or in hedges
where no foot will hardly tread,
but the middle of the pavement
there to cake your shoes with dread.
Where the young ones and the old ones
and so many in between,
will spread about my pavement paste
from clumps they hadn't seen.
It's rather hard to miss something
so small and hard to see,
It's also hard to miss it
when its spread so wide and free
So the pushchairs and the children
do a dance around the mess,
that's been spread in pretty patterns –
now the cause of their distress
No-one sees me do it,
though you may observe my work,
or attempts by my apprentices
to spread a little dirt,
and I get a secret pleasure; when–
from behind a mother's door,
I hear the sound of pavement paste
discovered on the floor.
It's not that I'm too lazy
although that's also true,
but I like to punish others
with the things I hate to do.
So I'll leave it on the pavement
and pretend it isn't mine,
Till vengeful neighbours tell on me
and make me pay the fine.